What is domestic abuse?
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence.
Domestic abuse can occur between intimate partners, ex-partners, family members or individuals who share parental responsibility of a child. There is no requirement for the victims and perpetrator to live in the same household for behaviour to be considered abusive.
Both the person carrying out the behaviour and the person whom the behaviour is directed towards must be aged 16 or over. Abusive behaviour directed as a person under 16 would be dealt with as child abuse rather than domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of any circumstance, age (16+), wealth, postcode, education, ethnicity, religion, sexuality or disability. (re-write - anyone regardless of...bullet points)
Behaviour is abusive if it consists of any of the following:
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Violent or threatening behaviour
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Economic or financial abuse
- Psychological, emotional or other abuse
It does not matter if this behaviour is a single event or a course of conduct
Types of domestic abuse [http://www.safetotalk.org.uk/news-1/victims-survivors-domestic-abuse/2].
Exit
Use this button to quickly exit this site [https://www.google.co.uk/]Victims of Rape or Sexual Assault
If you are looking for support following sexual assault, abuse or rape this guide [https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6399f76d8fa8f50ddbf7a652/support-following-a-rape-or-sexual-assault.pdf] will help you understand what support is available to you. Being a victim of rape, sexual assault or abuse is a traumatic experience. Help is available, whenever and wherever the offence occurred or if you are still experiencing abuse. It is never too early or too late to ask for help. You do not have to report the crime to the police to get support.
Following sexual assault, abuse or rape there is support available whether or not you wish to report the incident to the police.
Within 7 days of the incident you can contact the SARC [https://blueskycentre.org.uk/contact-us/] who are able to capture forensic evidence and provide emergency contraception, but, the most up to date information is available on their website SARC [https://blueskycentre.org.uk/contact-us/] or by calling their number: 0330 223 0099 [tel:03302230099]
Other types of support are available for when the incident occurred more than 7 days ago and this guide [https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6399f76d8fa8f50ddbf7a652/support-following-a-rape-or-sexual-assault.pdf] provides a comprehensive list.
You are not obliged to report what has happened to the Police in order to seek support and the local Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC [https://blueskycentre.org.uk/contact-us/]) can explain this in more detail. For those who do wish to report to the police, you are eligible to access support from an Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA). The ISVA service is funded by the Ministry of Justice and provided by Coventry Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre CRASAC [https://www.crasac.org.uk/]
There are also specialist services for those under the age of 18 which are listed towards the end of this document.
Local support
Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) [https://blueskycentre.org.uk/]
Our local centre is the Blue Sky Centre. It is based at the George Eliot hospital. It has details for support around non-recent events depending on whether or not you wish to report to police, emergency contraception or medication if you have been exposed to STI’s (see above).
Coventry Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre CRASAC [https://www.crasac.org.uk/]
Our local service, CRASAC [https://www.crasac.org.uk/] has had to temporarily close their list to new referrals for one to one counselling. This does not affect those who are already known to CRASAC or their ISVA service provision.
National support
The “Gov.uk” page which sets out what national support services are available following rape/sexual assault. This includes a service for men: https://www.1in6.uk/ [https://www.1in6.uk/] and https://safeline.org.uk/ser [https://safeline.org.uk/services/national-male-helpline/] vices/national-male-helpli [https://safeline.org.uk/services/national-male-helpline/] ne/ [https://safeline.org.uk/services/national-male-helpline/]
Services for men and non-binary people:
- https://www.survivorsuk. [https://www.survivorsuk.org/] org/ [https://www.survivorsuk.org/]
- Rape Crisis [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/]
- Services for black and other minority ethnic communities [https://www.imkaan.org.uk/]
- GALOP [file:///C:/Users/cvcar329/AppData/Local/Microsoft/Windows/INetCache/Content.Outlook/VU07F012/galop.org.uk] - Provides a free, confidential and independent service for all LGBTQ+ people who have experienced any form of sexual assault, violence or abuse, regardless of when it happened.
- NHS [https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/]
Emotional and mental health support
Remember – If you are in danger or need medical help call the Police 999.
- NHS 111 - people who are experiencing a mental health crisis can call 111 and choose the ‘mental health option’ will be put through to a member of Coventry and Warwickshire Partnership NHS Trust’s local crisis service. Anyone can call for themselves or someone else can call for them, for example a friend, carer, family member or GP. NHS 111 is for all ages, including children and young people and those with neurodevelopmental needs.
- Mental Health Access Hub on 08081 966897
- Coventry & Warwickshire Mind [https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/#SexualAbuseSupportOptions]
- Mental health crisis [https://www.covwarkpt.nhs.uk/urgent-advice]
- Safe Haven Coventry and Warwickshire [https://cwsafehaven.org.uk/] Crisis de-escalation and peer-support
- Mental Health and suicide prevention Support directory [https://www.dearlife.org.uk/]
- Samaritans - 24 hours, 365 days a year. Call 116 123 for free.
For people who are deaf or have hearing loss, the following link to be connected to local crisis service – NHS 111 – SignVideo [https://url.uk.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/L18XC3lkjt8W2yQf2Lxra?domain=cwicb.net]
Children and Young People Services aged 17 and under
The West Midlands Regional Children and Young People Sexual Assault Service [https://westmidsregionalcypsas.co.uk/]
Our regional service cares for children from birth to 17 years old and 18 to 25-year-olds who present with complex needs.
Our helpline 0330 233 0099 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Call now for referrals, making appointments, advice and support.
Contact your GP surgery, support worker or other professional worker that may be already supporting you.
Emotional and mental health support for young people
- Children's mental health [https://www.coventry.gov.uk/directory/124/childrens-mental-health-support-services] directory [https://www.coventry.gov.uk/directory/124/childrens-mental-health-support-services] - this takes you to the Coventry City Council website
- Children and young people aged under 18 who are feeling low, anxious or stressed or are having a difficult time coping, should contact or visit Dear Life: Support for young people [https://url.uk.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/dKn_C2RjgCx08Bwh1ybuM?domain=cwicb.net] for details organisations which can help.
- General mental health support aimed at Young People Kooth [https://www.kooth.com/]
- Home | Coventry, Warks & Solihull Talking Therapies (covwarkpt.nhs.uk) [https://url.uk.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/0AuICwjXEfO8rz9CV-CaG?domain=talkingtherapies.covwarkpt.nhs.uk] - NHS Talking Therapies is for people aged 16+ with mild, moderate and moderate to severe symptoms of anxiety and low mood in Coventry, Warwickshire and Solihull.
- Regional Children and Young People Sexual Assault Service Whether you have experienced sexual abuse in the past or it is still happening, Childline offers a free and confidential helpline 24 hours a day. You can also use the Ask Sam [https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/ask-sam/] service to send a message through their website and talk about anything you want without anyone knowing who sent it.
- NAPAC [file:///C:/Users/cvcar329/AppData/Local/Microsoft/Windows/INetCache/Content.Outlook/VU07F012/napac.org.uk] offers support to adult survivors of all types of childhood abuse, including physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, narcissism and neglect. Phone: 0808 801 0331
Remember – If you are in immediate danger or need urgent medical help call 999.
Types of domestic abuse
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
Domestic abuse can take many forms. You do not have to be experiencing all forms to be experiencing domestic abuse.
Coercive Control
Domestic abuse isn’t always physical. Coercive control describes acts or pattern of assault, threat, humiliation, and intimidation. Coercive control creates invisible chains and an overwhelming sense of fear.
Examples of include:
- Isolating you from friends and family
- Depriving you of basic needs, such as food, toiletry or sanitary products, clean clothing, footwear, medical care, sleep
- Monitoring your time
- Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware
- Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep
- Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services
- Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless
- Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you
- Controlling your finances
- Making threats or intimidating you (without actual physical violence)
Physical abuse
Violence and physical abuse can be directed at you, or at your family, friends or pets.
Examples include:
- Hitting / punching / kicking / shoving you
- Spitting at or on you
- Strangling or intentionally affecting your ability to breathe
- Pulling your hair
- Making angry or physical threats towards you
- Biting you
- Drowning you
- Burning you
- Using weapons on you
- Forcing you to use drugs and / or alcohol
- Depriving you of sleep
- Hurting your pet
- Invading your space
Psychological and/or Emotional Abuse
It is possible that you may be on the receiving end of:
- Jealousy
- Gaslighting
- Blame for the abuse
- Lying
- Accusing you of having affairs
- Being told that you are causing this situation by your behaviour
Your partner/family member may:
- Manipulate you
- Ignore you
- Undermine or try to confuse you
- Tell you that you are losing your mind (gaslighting)
Other examples include
- Criticising you
- Mocking you
- Swearing and shouting at you
- Telling you that you are fat/ugly/worthless/useless
- Telling you that you are mad
- Blaming you for everything that happens
- Telling you that you are not being abused
- Saying that no one will believe you
- Following you or stalking you
- Turning up unexpectedly at your workplace or other places
Financial and/or Economic Abuse
Financial abuse involves a perpetrator using or misusing money/resources which limits and controls their partner’s current and future actions and their freedom of choice.
Examples include:
- Building debt up in your name
- Withholding money from you
- Stealing money from you
- Limiting or preventing access to money
- Not letting you work or restricting the hours you work
- Using family money for alcohol/drugs/gambling or other activities
- Claiming and keeping benefits
- Selling your possessions
- Destroying or damaging possessions which then requires you to spend money to resolve
- Not paying child support
- Refusing to pay bills
- Forcing you to earn money for them / another person
- Threatening to report you to the Benefits Agency or other authorities
- Preventing you from having any financial independence
Digital Abuse
Online platforms are increasingly used to perpetrate domestic abuse. (add examples – ring doorbells, hive, location trackers, tracking etc.)
Examples include:
- Monitoring of social media profiles or emails
- Abuse over social media such as Facebook or Instagram
- Sharing intimate photos or videos without your consent
- Using GPS locators or spyware.
For more resources and information about how stay safe online visit:
- Cover your tracks online - Women’s Aid [https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/cover-your-tracks-online/]
- Online and digital abuse - Women’s Aid [https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/online-safety/]
- Information and support on tech abuse | Refuge Tech Safety [https://refugetechsafety.org/]
Sexual assault and violence
Consent happens when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to take part by choice. They also need to have the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
Examples include:
- Rape and serious sexual assault
- Sexual assault
- Forcing you to engage in sexual acts
- Forcing you to take part in or look at pornographic images or videos
- Forcing you to have sexual relationships with other people
Accessing support services and local services available [https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6399f76d8fa8f50ddbf7a652/support-following-a-rape-or-sexual-assault.pdf]
Threats
Threats can be in person or via phone calls, emails, text messages or social networking sites.
Examples include threatening to:
- Take your children away
- Have your children removed by Social Care
- Have you deported
- Have you sectioned
- Abuse or hurt your children, family, friends or pets
- Kill you or someone close to you
- Commit suicide
- Mutilate you or your loved ones
- Stalk you
Isolation
Your partner/family member may try to isolate you from other people. This can include:
- Restricting or preventing you having contact with family and friends
- Humiliating you in front of others
- Telling your family or friends lies about you
- Giving you a curfew
- Locking you in the house
- Stopping or monitoring your phone calls
- Reading your texts and emails
- Contacting you frequently whilst you are out asking what time you will be home
Stalking and/or Harassment
Stalking is a pattern of persistent and unwanted attention that makes you feel pestered, scared, anxious or harassed.
Examples include:
- Being followed or stalked
- Leaving unwanted gifts on your doorstep
- Following you at your workplace/college or when you are out with friends
- Being denied any privacy
- Escorting you everywhere or ensuring that a family member escorts you to places
- Keeping track of you through your mobile phone/ GPRS/ social networking sites.
- Persistent texting and calls
- Love bombing
Exit
Use this button to quickly exit this site [https://www.google.co.uk/]Support for female victims
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
Safe To Talk Helpline
If you are a victim of domestic abuse please call the Safe To Talk Helpline: 0800 111 4998
8.30am - 5.30pm Monday - Friday
10am - 1pm Saturday - Sunday
If it’s not safe for you to make a call, please email: info@coventryhaven.co.uk or use Women’s Aid on-line chat chat.womensaid.org.uk both are easy to use and could be safer than calling.
Ask for ANI
Ask for ANI (Action Needed Immediately) is a codework scheme that provides a safe, discreet and confidential way for victims of domestic abuse to access immediate help from their local participating pharmacy or Jobcentre.
If you or someone you know is a victims of domestic abuse, find your nearest Ask for ANI provider. [https://enough.campaign.gov.uk/get-support/ask-for-ani]
If you are in need of help, go to the location, approach a member of staff and Ask for ANI ('Please can I speak to ANI') or ask to use a Safe Space ('Do you have a Safe Space available?').
You will be taken to a private space where a trained member of staff will support you and you can decide what to do next.
Services available for victims in Coventry
Coventry Haven Women's Aid
Coventry Haven Women’s Aid [http://www.coventryhaven.co.uk/] provides the following services
- Safe To Talk Helpline support: 0800 111 4998
- General enquiries: 02476 444 077
- Safe emergency accommodation
- Community and advocacy support
- A women’s centre (called The Listening Post)
- Counselling service
- Community support groups
- IDVA - Help with criminal and civil legal proceedings
- Legal clinic with local solicitors
- Specialist services for FM/HBA and FGM
- IRIS Project - GP based support service
- Drop-In Sessions - No appointment needed
Panahghar
Panahghar [http://www.safehouse.org.uk/]is a specialist by and for BAME charitable organisation, providing free dedicated multi-lingual support, advice and advocacy and access to safe refuge for victims of domestic abuse in Coventry, Leicester and Solihull.
Panahghar provide the following specialist domestic abuse support in Coventry:
- BAME specific refuge accommodation with specialised Family Support
- Outreach & IDVA Service
- Safe To Talk Helpline support: 0800 111 4998
- Panahghar 24hr multi-lingual Helpline: 0800 055 6519
- Immigration Support Service specialising in rights for victims who are No Recourse To Public Funds (NRPF), ensuring those with insecure immigration status can still access appropriate safe support
- In-house Counselling
- Early Intervention Project partners
Valley House
Valley House [http://valleyhouse.org.uk/] offers Supported Accommodation to victims aged from 16 years, who are victims of domestic abuse. This also includes their families (children and young people).
All properties are fully furnished. We provide accommodation for families with older male children and have accommodations which are adapted for disabilities. Valley House is also able to take in family pets in some of the properties.
The support offered consists of:
- Risk assessments and safety planning
- 1 to 1 case work and structured group work
- Court support for service users involved in criminal justice and civil proceedings
- Family support work with children
- Signposting and advocacy
- Counselling
- Ongoing emotional and practical support
- Service user wellbeing one to one sessions and group work
- MARAC Referral & IDVA support
Service user can also have up to 3months support within the community when they have moved into their own accommodation.
Referrals into the Domestic Abuse service will be taken 24 hours a day. Referrals can either be taken from professionals or self-referrals either by phone or by attending our office: 02476 266 280
|
Day & Time |
Location |
|---|---|
|
Monday: 9:30am -12pm Weekly Drop-ins |
Park Edge Family Hub [http://www.coventry.gov.uk/parkedgefamilyhub] (Bell Green) Roseberry Avenue, Coventry, CV2 1NE. |
|
Monday: 9:30am -12pm Fortnightly Drop -ins |
Woodside Family Hub Upper Ride, Willenhall Wood, Coventry |
|
Wednesday 9:30am -12pm Fortnightly Drop-ins |
Pathways Family Hub [http://www.coventry.gov.uk/pathwaysfamilyhub] (Radford) Lawrence Saunders Road, Coventry, CV6 1HD. |
|
Wednesday 9:30am -12pm Weekly Drop-ins |
The Moat Family Hub [http://www.coventry.gov.uk/themoatfamilyhub] (Wood End) (this family hub is within the grounds of The Moat Primary School & Castle House School) |
|
Thursday 9:30am -12pm Fortnightly drop-ins |
Mosaic Family Hub Jardine Crescent, Coventry CV4 9PL
|
|
Friday 9:30am -12pm Weekly drop-ins |
Harmony Hub [http://www.coventry.gov.uk/harmonyhub] ( Hillfields) Clifton Street, Coventry, CV1 5GR. |
|
Friday 9:30am -12pm Fortnightly Drop-ins |
Families for All Hub |
|
Friday 9:30am -12pm Weekly drop-ins |
St Basil's Young Person’s Hub |
Male Victims of Domestic Abuse
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
There are both similarities and differences for men and women who are experiencing domestic abuse. Being abused by somebody you love and trust can be confusing and bewildering, and any victim whether male or female may wonder if it’s their fault.
Admitting to being abused is difficult for anybody, but men often don’t have the social and support networks in place to easily tell a friend or family member. These topics are difficult for anybody to raise or disclose, but in particular, men may not have friendships and relationships in which they can open up and talk about their personal lives.
Domestic abuse can occur between intimate partners, ex-partners, family members or individuals who share parental responsibility of a child. There is no requirement for the victims and perpetrator to live in the same household for behaviour to be considered abusive.
Services available for male victims in Coventry
Safe To Talk Helpline
If you are a male victim of domestic abuse you can call the Safe To Talk Helpline: 0800 111 4998
8.30am - 5.30pm Monday - Friday
10am - 1pm Saturday - Sunday
In an emergency call 999, if you cannot speak then press 55 when prompted. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
Valley House
Valley House offers Supported Accommodation to male and female victims aged from 16 years, who are victims of domestic abuse. This also includes their families (children and young people).
All properties are fully furnished. We provide accommodation for families with older male children and have accommodations which are adapted for disabilities. Valley House is also able to take in family pets in some of the properties.
The support offered consists of:
- Risk assessments and safety planning
- 1 to 1 case work and structured group work
- Court support for service users involved in criminal justice and civil proceedings
- Family support work with children
- Signposting and advocacy
- Counselling
- Ongoing emotional and practical support
- Service user wellbeing one to one sessions and group work
- MARAC Referral & IDVA support
Service user can also have up to 3 months support within the community when they have moved into their own accommodation.
Referrals into the Domestic Abuse service will be taken 24 hours a day. Referrals can either be taken from professionals or self-referrals either by phone or by attending our office: 024 7626 6280
Valley House - Domestic Abuse Accommodation Service - Coventry [https://valleyhouse.org.uk/]
LGBT+ Victims of Domestic Abuse
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
Understanding LGBT+ Experiences of Domestic Abuse
Behaviour is abusive if it consists of any of the following:
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Violent or threatening behaviour
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Economic or financial abuse
- Psychological, emotional or other abuse
- It does not matter is this behaviour is a single event or a course of conduct
More information on the types of domestic abuse [https://www.safetotalk.org.uk/news-1/victims-survivors-domestic-abuse/2].
There are some kinds of domestic abuse that can be based on your orientation or gender identity.
Examples include:
- Threatening to disclose your romantic or sexual orientation, gender identity, gender history, or HIV status without your consentâ¯
- Coercive and controlling behaviour around your romantic or sexual orientation and/or gender identity
- Pressuring you to keep your identity or relationship secret
- Denying that LGBT+ people in intimate relationships can experience domestic abuse
- Isolating you from family, friends, and the LGBT+ community
- Undermining your romantic or sexual orientation and/or gender identity
- Using your hormones or gender-affirming medication to control
- Trying to change or supress your orientation or gender identity
LGBT+ people may be manipulated into believing that there is no help available to them because they are LGBT+. They may also be told that abusive behaviours are ‘normal’ in LGBT+ relationships, or that LGBT+ cannot experience domestic abuse.
Abuse from family members is sometimes not recognised as abuse and written off as a ‘family dispute’ or having ‘different values’.
LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse might feel that domestic abuse services are not for them or may not understand what has happened to them.
Domestic abuse - Galop the LGBT+ anti-abuse charity - Galop [https://galop.org.uk/types-of-abuse/domestic-abuse/].
Support for LGBT+ Victims of Domestic Abuse in Coventry
Safe To Talk Helpline
If you are an LGBT+ victim of domestic abuse please call the Safe To Talk Helpline: 0800 111 4998
- 8.30am - 5.30pm Monday - Friday
- 10am - 1pm Saturday - Sunday
Birmingham LGBT Centre
Birmingham LGBT Centre provides an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate (IDVA) service to support LGBT people in Birmingham and the wider areas, who are experiencing abuse from partners, ex-partners and family members. Birmingham LGBT centre also supports LGBT people who are experiencing, or are at risk of honour based violence and forced marriage.
The LGBT IDVA services covers Birmingham, Sandwell, Walsall, Dudley, Wolverhampton & Coventry.
Independent Domestic Violence Advocate: 0121 643 0821 or email IDVA@BLGBT.ORG [mailto:IDVA@BLGBT.ORG]
Domestic violence info for Gay and Bisexual men - Birmingham LGBT [https://blgbt.org/domestic-violence-info-for-gay-and-bisexual-men/].
Help for relatives and friends of victims
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
Do you know someone who may need domestic abuse support?
It's hard to know what to do when you're concerned a friend or relative may be being abused.
It can be helpful to understand how an abused individual might be feeling, and how their experience might be different to what we imagine.
- A victim is often overwhelmed by fear, which can govern their every move. They might be afraid of violence, their safety and the safety of their children.
- They might believe that they're at fault and that by changing their behaviour the abuse will stop.
- It is very common for a victim to love their partner, but hate the violence and abuse. They could live in hope that their abuser’s ‘good side’ will reappear. They may want to help their partner change.
- A victim of domestic abuse might be dependent upon his partner, emotionally and financially.
- They may experience feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment.
- Making decisions about the future can be very hard for victims of domestic abuse.
What can you do?
Do
- Keep in contact. You could start a conversation with, ‘I’m worried about you because…’ or, ‘I’m concerned about your safety’. If they doesn’t respond, don’t give up.
- Listen and believe.
- Reassure them that the abuse is not their fault.
- Keep an open mind and be non-judgemental.
- Acknowledge their strengths and keep reminding them that they're coping well with a challenging and stressful situation.
- You may question why they're staying in the relationship, but understand that it takes huge strength and courage to leave. They need to make the decision in their own time. (re-write you may not understand why)
- Leaving is often a very dangerous time, when violence and abuse escalates. Understand that careful planning is needed and help if you can.
- Look after yourself and use your own network of support.
Don’t
- Tell the person what to do or give ultimatums.
- Become angry, offended or hurt by no action being taken.
- Be judgmental or impose expectations of them leaving or taking action.
- Confront the abuser or victim. Doing so could cause isolation, harm and contact to end.
- Don’t mediate between the involved parties or extended family members
It is important not to pressure the person being abused – they need to make their own decisions in their own time.
You may need to be patient because helping someone in an abusive relationship can be a gradual process. It is also important to make sure that you don’t do anything to provoke the person who is being abusive – and to ensure you look after yourself in the process.
Supporting friends and family - SafeLives [https://safelives.org.uk/about-domestic-abuse/supporting-friends-family/]
Services in Coventry
Safe To Talk Helpline
If you suspect a friend or family member is being abused please get in contact with the Safe To Talk Helpline. You may also want to encourage the victim to get in contact.
0800 111 4998
8.30am - 5.30pm Monday - Friday
10am - 1pm Saturday - Sunday
National support
If you are concerned about a woman who you think may be in an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 200 0247 or Women's Aid online email and instant messaging services [https://www.womensaid.org.uk/].
If you are concerned about a man who you think may be in an abusive relationship, contact Respect [https://www.respect.uk.net/] Men's Advice Line 0808 801 0327.
Staying safe online
If someone is in immediate danger and their life is threatened, they should dial the Police on 999; if you are unable to talk, once connected to 999 press 55 and the police will attend. If it is not an emergency but you need help from the police, please call 101. For non-emergencies you can also report a crime online [http://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/].
If you are in an abusive relationship, technology is one way in which your abuser may try to control you. It is important to know how to protect yourself.
If you leave or want to leave an abusive partner, it's important to know what steps to take to protect yourself online, as well as in the real world.
Here is a useful resource about protecting yourself online [https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/onlinesafety/] also see Information and support on tech abuse | Refuge Tech Safety [https://refugetechsafety.org/guide-social-media-basics/]
If you are concerned about someone discovering you using this site please read this advice about covering your tracks [https://www.womensaid.org.uk/cover-your-tracks-online/].